Clovers & Roses

As of now as I am typing this very post, I am done with A-Levels. It is over. It is done. Finito baby. And without a doubt, I am super happy to be done with A-Levels. I have to admit that A-Levels was no easy feat but I made it through! With a few bumps and bruises along the way but I made it out stronger than ever :) *proud proud*

A-Levels is one of the many milestones in life and I am proud to be able to say that I crossed another milestone in my life. The past year and the half was challenging and there were numerous times where I literally didn't think I would be able to make it through. Countless times I reached my breaking point and felt like giving up but thanks to some of my super close friends and God I persevered. Thank You Lord! :D <3

Several days leading up to today, I had a few people ask me if I will miss A-Levels. Honestly speaking, yes and no. I mean yes I will miss going to class and laughing at lecturer's jokes and having some of my classmates joke around. But on the other hand, I will not miss this university because as much good and happy memories were created here in this campus, there are still memories that are too painful and bitter that were made here and I just want to get away from it. No details but that's the gist of it. 

Oh and I will definitely miss my roomie :( My roomie for half a year. She is truly a great friend and one that I will never forget. She always listens to all the crap I say and all my rants. Never complaining about anything. I will miss the times we spent together in our room, 210, having heart to heart talks and sharing experiences. Advising each other about our own problems and just providing an ear to listen. Most importantly, she was the one who defended me when a certain phone call came one night. That truly showed how much of a good friend she is. She just defended me without even second guessing. So I decided on giving her a parting gift as a surprise. Not sure if she has seen it yet but keeping my fingers crossed that she'll like it.

Tadaaa!! :)

As A-Levels is over, I am required to move out from the hostel on my last day! Which is completely nuts since I am not from KL. My mum has to drive all the way from Melaka just to pick me up. So after discussing with the Accommodation people, they gave me a grace period on when to move out which was by the next day before 12pm. Fair deal so I need to pack everything in my room. And I literally wanted to kick myself in the ass for bringing so much stuff when I first moved in. I had so much of crap that when I finished packing ALL my things I had 4 boxes AND 8 bags all filled to the max with things. And I actually threw away quite a number of things just to reduce the number of bags or boxes. Even still, when my mum arrived and we put everything into the car, it was so full that the backseat can only fit one person. 

Arriving at home was another problem. Had to carry the things all the way to the ninth floor. My mum was grumbling about the weight of my things. Especially my books. Those weigh like elephants. No joke. Unpacking was another nightmare. My closet was bursting after I unpacked my clothes and I had no place to place my books so I left them in the boxes. My room is now so cramped. Thank goodness neither me nor my sister has claustrophobia since we are sharing the room. 

Given everything I am so glad to be home. Finally I can enjoy the holidays without books and studying and tests and exams getting in the way. Heee!! :D

So what's the first thing I will do now that I am back home?

GO
SWIMMING
TO
LOSE
WEIGHT

Until then my lovelies,

-xxlynnalurve

A little over half into my 2 weeks plus break and I find myself at a constant battle with my mind and heart. My exams are due to begin again in less than a week. To be battling my own mind and heart is not a good place to be in at this period of time. It wears me up so badly that there are days I just sit there in the same spot thinking, wondering, imagining, hoping and trying to figure out what the heck should I do or say. Hell I spent the whole time thinking of the things I can do and whether I should do it.

Making things worse is the fact that I have had so much happen to me in the last month. I honestly want to talk about it but I can't. I want to talk to him about it but I am pretty sure that if I open up that particular topic, things will be ugly between me and him. There seems to be no way for me to be able to talk to him about it without jeopardizing our relationship. And I mean even platonic relationship.

I do not wish for a confrontation. I just want a conversation. A heart to heart. Where I can tell him how and what I really feel with everything that happened. I am not trying to blame him for it happening. I just don't want to have to hide this from him. I cannot pretend for so long that this issue is not bothering me when it clearly does.

Adding to all of that is his departure that is dawning very soon. I can't tell if I have actually come to terms with it. At times it seems like I am okay with his leaving and other times I am sadden by it. I keep wondering what is going to happen to the both of us when he leaves. I am pretty sure that the person he is now will not come back the same after spending 2 years on a different continent.

Of course everyone will tell me that it is the modern era and there is no boundaries when it comes to communication but the problem is whether he wants to keep in contact with me when he is there and I am here. With a big gap in time zones, it is a challenge. I am up for it but is he? I don't ask him or bring up this issue because I don't want to be pressuring him to keep in contact with me. I believe that if he wants to he will without me asking or bringing it up. He will take the initiative to do it if he wants to.

So far he hasn't spoken a word about it and things seem pretty bleak now.