Clovers & Roses

I can't believe I am saying this but I am in my final semester.

A year and the half ago, I would have thought it impossible that I will reach the end of my A-Levels course. Back then I would have thought it as a long way more to go. But like all experiences in life, it passes us by with a blink of an eye. Maybe not a blink but several blinks but point is it is finally coming to an end. So many think that I will miss my A-Levels life but on the contrary I actually won't miss it that much. I mean sure I will miss some parts of it but not all. Overall the experience was just normal to me. There were some ups and of course there were the downs. Sadly, the downs are the reason why I do not miss my A-Levels life.

To be blunt, I actually am looking forward to apply to a new university and have a brand new start on my degree life. I want to make new friends and hopefully find some friends that I can trust and count on in my life. Not the kind of friends that stay with you for several years and then ditch you when they decide that they want to. Anyway, I am looking forward to new experiences in my tertiary education life.

However, there are several bumps along the way as I progress to my degree life. Firstly, my applications to the prospective universities. 

After the end of my month long exam in January of this year, I have 11 weeks of classes and then it is time for my trial exams. Trials just ended several days ago and quite frankly I only did averagely for my papers. Of course many think that it's just trials. I can screw it up as long as I do well during the final exam. But the problem arises for me because my forecast results are dependent on my trials as well as my previous two major exams. My most recent major exam grades were basically like crap. With those results and my mediocre trials marks I stand a slim chance or maybe not even a close chance of entering to any university to do the course that I want to do. 

At the moment I feel so scared. So afraid that I will not get accepted into any university with my results. Not even a conditional offer from any university of my choice. I do not know how to explain to my mum if I can't enter a university with my grades. What am I going to do with my life then? 

I honestly do not know what to do. I go around watching my friends getting conditional offers into not just one university but even more than one and I question myself, how am I going to get accepted with my shit grades? I know for a fact that no university in their right mind will accept my grades to study the course that I want. Especially when the course itself is so demanding. And the fact that I need scholarship in order to study that course. 

Before even needing to figure out how to tell my mum why I am not able to get accepted into universities, I first need to figure out how to tell my mum about my shit trials grades which she will be receiving by post. I know for a fact that my mum is not going to be happy with my grades. I know that she will be very disappointed with me. And it makes me feel like I am a useless daughter because I can't even score good grades for her when she is working so hard to pay for my education on her own. 

I just wish I had answers

And a clue as to what to do now

-xxlynnalurve